5 Things I've Learned About Living Life Sober
I wandered into Chester a homeless junkie from prison. It was March 7, 2007, and I had lost everything to drug addiction. My freedom. My daughter. My job. My possessions. My family and home. My mind. I had even lost my life, dying three times during drug overdose. My daughter’s mom, gone too soon because of addiction.
As I sit here celebrating a big 15 years sober (!!!), reflecting on the journey kind of blows me away. The stories are enough to fill a book, but here’s a ‘highlight reel’ version with “5 Things I’ve Learned About Living Life Sober.”
1. Live one day at a time
This is a very common saying and something taught early on in recovery. No one builds a building in one day. The basic idea is to simplify. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not here, so this present day is a gift. In application, we navigate each day's challenges as they come. Over the years I've learned to address the things within my control and pray about the things I cannot. I've made plenty of bad choices and been overwhelmed. Focusing on today helps me to slow down. Many people in addiction are used to living life in chaos, operating out of extreme emotional highs and extreme emotional lows. In my addiction I was so focused on completing a task that I missed the experiences of life. In recovery I had to break unhealthy patterns and begin to enjoy navigating the everyday, mundane aspects of life. Slowing down to simple rhythms can help us make better choices for ourselves and those around us.
2. Give it away and serve
“We can't keep it unless we give it away” is another common recovery term. It’s so true. Recovery becomes real when there’s a lifestyle shift away from focusing on ourselves. Selfishness and self centeredness are major tendencies in addiction. It takes intentional work to not “make it all about me.” When we live it out, it looks like daily choices to give our attention and help to others. To me this is real fulfillment. I remember asking my mentor Charles Knuckles how I could thank him for pouring his life into mine. He simply said he didn’t need thanks, but wanted me to help another person. A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle nearby, it just gains light. Things make so much sense when I'm giving away what I learned to someone else who is sick and suffering from addiction. I usually experience freedom at the end of myself, because that's where life begins!
3. Do the hard work
John Maxwell once said, “Everything you want in life is uphill” meaning it takes work or effort to achieve anything of value. But the truth is most of us have downward intentions. In my early years of recovery Dr Rick Briggs would lead Bible classes that emphasized daily routines for living a lifestyle of recovery called ‘relapse prevention.’ He would teach us to identify all the addictive pitfalls people make like staying away from people, places and things. Riggs taught me to identify feelings and behaviors that were destructive. This led me to meet my sponsors who taught me the annotated study method for the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book. This went side by side with working the 12 steps of AA. Doing the hard work meant that I had to be honest, vulnerable and willing to do everything suggested in the Big Book. Admitting defeat in life, addressing character defects, writing resentment, doing a moral inventory and making amends to people I have harmed are all part of the process. It's not easy, but investing in the daily hard work has grown countless spiritual dividends in my life.
4. Be battle ready
Show me who you are walking with and I can tell you where you’re going. I’m not sure who said that but it's true in recovery. Good company supports good character. Early on my mentors asked me who my team was. Who are the people you are choosing to live your daily life with? For me, I knew I needed to surround myself with people that have a battle mindset. People who are 100% sold out to living for Jesus and walking out a lifestyle of recovery. The men in my life help build me up to be ready for battle in both a spiritual sense and an earthly one. Proverbs 27:17 says “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” When I found people equipped with the armor of God and in step with a personal growth, sober mindset, a strong community with lasting friendships naturally formed around me. This has positioned me to succeed in meeting goals, building a family, leading a non-profit ministry, and so much more.
5. All through Jesus
Last year, while waiting to pick up a recovery client and friend from rehab, I started talking with the Tech Manager about recovery. I asked him if he would give me his wallet, car keys and all of his banking passcodes. He of course replied, “No way! I don’t know you or trust you.” Step 3 in AA says: “Make a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God.” Many people in recovery miss this part. I need to grow a relationship with the person I'm giving my life to–Jesus–so that my will can be conformed to His. All of the recovery information and steps in Alcoholics Anonymous are drawn from scripture. Seven of the 12 steps directly mention God. Everything in my life changed the day I gave my life to Jesus in a jail cell in 2006. I know for a fact that Jesus set me free from sin and addiction, not to go and live my life like I wanted, but to submit my will to him and help other people like me. While I have grown to a place of taking personal responsibility for my choices, Jesus is the reason any of it can be made useful for His Kingdom and His purposes.
Closing thoughts…
So many selfless people have poured into my life these past 15 years, asking nothing in return but for me to help the next person. I praise Jesus for saving my life and for the privilege to help others in their recovery. My family and I took a leap of faith when we bought an abandoned home on a sketchy block in an impoverished, crime-ridden city people want to avoid. With a little experience and a lot of faith we launched a home church and ministry called Greenhouse Project to provide a safe space for life transformation and to share the hope of Jesus with those who are struggling. It’s unbelievable to consider all God has done these past 15 years of my recovery journey. Maybe I’ll press into that book idea soon!
Emily and I, along with our team, thank you so much for your support and prayers over the years. YOU are the best supporters!